Imparting Parental Values In An Age of Virtually Unrestricted Media Influences
Introduction
For a very long time parents have chosen to make the financial sacrifice to send their children to private faith-based schools as a way for them to experience quality academics, gain a religious education and to limit undesired cultural influences. Parents also will move, at significant cost, to communities they deem a better option for their child’s education and safety. A growing number of parents with children in public schools are deeply concerned about their child’s education and disagree with school curriculum and policies. Unable to move or afford private schools, many are choosing to homeschool their children instead.
While this is being done to impart parental values and protect their children from undesired influences, a much more dangerous affront to parental values emerged over the past 50 years – unrestricted media influences. While motion picture films have forever presented content conflicting with parental values, children were not allowed (without parental approval) in theatres to view them. Television delivered over the public airways had, and still have, standards of “decency” such that content presented is suitable for all ages. This changed with cable television a half century ago and today with the world-wide-web, children can easily stumble across pornography and deviant sexual content. Children can easily access content that promotes ideas and behaviors counter to the values parents are trying to instill. Sometimes the algorithms direct them there. Unlike some nations with strict censorship laws, the United States, promoting freedom and personal choice, does not have universal controls over content delivered on the internet. There are laws emerging to protect children however issues such as age verification and free speech have stalled many attempts. This leaves the bulk of the responsibility on parents to manage their children’s online world. While difficult 20 years ago, this been made significantly more difficult through the massive proliferation of devices and media content. For many reasons today only about 50% of parents use any type of parental controls to limit their children.
A very small minority of parents are choosing to not allow their children to have any screen devices. No smartphones, videogames or televisions. Ironically these protective measures have been adopted by many executives in Silicon Valley California where many of these devices and content originated. All of this is understandable, however does isolating children from the dangers until adulthood protect them in the long run or do we need a better way to protect children and help parents impart family values?
The ultimate question is: How do parents successfully pass down their values in a world with unrestricted media influences? The answer requires significant effort by parents:
1. Parents should provide clear guidance and expectations for their children regarding their values from an early age through to adulthood. Do not stop at adolescence. Parents should directly educate and regularly communicate with them about these values.
2. Parents should continually work to maintain a strong relationship with their child. Empathy, encouragement, validation and an open mind are critical. This recommendation is not new but has gotten more challenging with both children and parents spending significant time on screens. Shared positive experiences and regularly scheduled family dinners (now without devices) have shown to result in better outcomes for adolescents.
3. Parents should increase the amount of time children are exposed to experiences promoting their values. This can include religious expression, sports, music, academics, employment, volunteering and adventure experiences such as scouts. These experiences should also help their children learn to socialize and work with others.
4. Parents should limit the amount of time children are exposed to online content, period. While online entertainment time can be a reward at the end of the day, online time should emphasize education and life-enriching activities over mindless entertainment and scrolling. Parents should ensure their children are exposed to non-academic learning in areas such STEM, music expression, art, sports, reading, life skills and other positive hobbies and interests. This exposure is critical to foster a life-long love of learning and could even lead to a future career. Time spent connecting online with real-world friends should be prioritized over time spent connecting with online friends. Social Media should be restricted at a young age and time limited in the later teenage years.
5. Parents should monitor their children’s exposure to online content and communication and have frank discussions about both positive and negative experiences and influences. This gives parents the opportunity to inform and guide their children about issues such as digital citizenship, bullying, online safety, deviant content and pornography. Online privacy is not a guaranteed right. Screen devices in bedrooms should be prohibited until a child is old enough and sufficiently mature. Before the age of 14, parents should spend time with their children as they view and interact with content. At age 14 and above, screen activity should still be monitored using some form of screen monitoring tools. While this represents a significant challenge for parents as adolescents are seeking independence and greater privacy during this period, it is critical to keeping children safe.
6. Parents should model the values there are attempting to instill in their children. Parents should limit their own screen time and model life balance on and off screen. Emerging research is actually showing the harm being inflicted on children due to excess screen time by parents. New terms such as “technoference” and “phubbing” have emerged.
7. For parents with children with developmental delays such as autism and ADHD, do not let screen devices overtake their life. It may be easier for them to make friends online but exposure to real-world interactions is critical for child development.
8. Parents must prioritize their child’s wellbeing over cultural norms. We know now that commonly accepted norms regarding children and screen time are harming children. I recommend no smartphones until age 16 and if the child is mature enough. Parental controls should be installed. Parents must limit the number of screen devices available to their children. This is very practical consideration. Just because a child could have a smartphone, handheld gaming device, gaming console, virtual reality headsets, tablet, laptop, desktop gaming rig and smart TV does not mean they should. How can parents be expected to manage and monitor all these devices and delivered content?
9. Seek professional help when needed. Screen addiction, anxiety and depression have all been linked to excess screen time. Mental health professionals (i.e. psychologists, child and family therapists, professional clinical counselors and licensed social workers) are gaining knowledge on how to help children and parents navigate this ever challenging world of screen devices and media influences.
Summary
After treating videogame and other screen addictions for over 20 years, I get how difficult a challenge this can be. Parents need to start this process early and resist the temptation to buy tablets and smartphones for their young children even though they might want them and even if their other friends have them. Seek the support of your school or faith-based community. Seek professional help if needed. Stand strong against the rising tide of media influences and unsafe technology. Your child is worth it.
Sentinel LaunchPad™ Can Help
The Sentinel LaunchPad was designed to give parents a tool to help raise children in a technology driven world. It was developed with child wellbeing and parental simplicity in mind. It was also designed specifically to help delay the introduction of the smartphone to children.
The Sentinel LaunchPad is a desktop computer appliance that organizes screen time into three areas - Education, Exploration and Entertainment, each with their own limits and settings. Education modes support academics and online learning. Guided Instruction mode provides curated, age appropriate learning in academic subjects. Parents can add their own sites for specific content such as religious education. Guided Exploration mode provides curated content such as STEM, art, music, life skills and more for safe non-academic learning and enrichment without the risk of gaming or video watching. Parents can also add sites and activities in this mode in support of their values. Entertainment modes, unlocked as a reward at the end of the day, includes access to age appropriate videos, videogaming, social media and more.
The tiny LaunchPad can be placed in the family room connected to the family TV during the early years and then even into bedrooms as the child grows older and is seeking greater privacy. We believe that it is the first desktop computer safe enough to be placed in a child’s bedroom.
To simplify setup a parent simply enters the child’s birth year and month, answers some basic questions about the child and family’s schedule. Parental control settings such as limits in each mode are then automatically applied based on professional guidance. Websites and apps are automatically blocked based on the child’s age and perceived maturity (specific settings for social media and AI), mode of operation and other parental preferences. The LaunchPad makes supervising online activities easy. Parents can view the child’s screen activity from anywhere in the world, communicate back to the child about what they are seeing and even redirect the child remotely if necessary.
Self-help Resources
Check out PutGenieBack.Org, a directory I have created to recognize the researchers, authors, journalists, health professionals, legislators and advocacy firms that are working to inform the public and directly intervene to both protect children and reverse the harms caused by the unbridled acceptance of new technologies and unrestricted media influences. While some have stated you can’t put the Genie back in the bottle, they are being proven wrong. In 34 US States and the District of Colombia legislation of various forms have been past to outright limit access or require school districts to create their own policies regarding use of cell phones by students during school. The Genie is being put back!